


at arm's length on purpose

by megs_got_all7 (megyal)



Category: GOT7
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 00:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8307247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megyal/pseuds/megs_got_all7
Summary: Mark's pulling away from Jinyoung, and Jinyoung doesn't care, except that he really does.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:**
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> mark and jinyoung are in the dorm together just the two of them when a powercut occurs and they have a confrontation abt the fact that they've both been avoiding each other and confess to each other

**i**

It all snuck up on Jinyoung without warning; yet, when he really began to pay attention, he wondered how he could have missed it. Well, he may have overlooked it at the top levels of his mind, but his subconscious had possibly detected that something was off, for he had felt increasingly jittery around Mark. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, and that was aggravating, for out of all his band-members, Mark was the one with whom he felt most comfortable. Mark wasn't even acting in an extraordinary manner. He was quieter, yes, but they all were. They were exhausted from this new album, and the unending showcases; they were cranky but really trying to be patient with each other, for they were doing very well, and getting lots of support. 

It was just that...well, sometimes Jinyoung would spend long minutes staring at him. They'd lost weight, because the new choreography was _murder_ (even Yugyeom, who probably danced in his sleep, would lie on the floor of the practice room, groaning), but Mark seemed particularly thin. No; that wasn't quite right. He was _sharper_ somehow, all sculpted cheekbone and jawline, sleek slope of neck, eyes that appeared to cut more. Whenever he caught Jinyoung staring, Mark would briefly consider him out of the corner of his eyes, then turn his face away. Jinyoung felt particularly stressed out in those moments.

He was uneasy enough to ask JB one day, "Is Mark-hyung acting weird to you?"

"Weird? Weird how?" JB asked through a mouthful of a very late dinner. He sat on the floor, chewing slowly, eyes nearly completely shut from exhaustion. Jackson and BamBam yelled in the kitchen over something inconsequential and Yugyeom tried to get them to shut up by shouting even louder. Jinyoung sat in the couch, hugging one of the cushions to his chest and looking down at the top of JB's head.

"I don't know," Jinyoung said. "Just weird."

JB shrugged and poked around his bowl. "Who knows, in our heart of hearts, what is truly weird?" He twirled his chopsticks around, adopting a sage air.

"Oh my god." Jinyoung gently kicked him in the thigh. "Please, don't start. It's not cool."

They laughed a bit, and Jinyoung yelled encouragingly as an impromptu wrestling match broke out, caused by Youngjae sneaking up and trying to steal JB's food right out of his bowl. Jinyoung went to bed feeling kind of okay; that is, until it came to him in the middle of the night like a disruptive thief. He actually sat up in bed, blinking at the thick darkness of his room.

He'd realised that Mark hadn't touched him for maybe a week, or more.

\--

Once Jinyoung realised it, saw it, he couldn't unsee it. It had been so commonplace for Mark to take his hand, or hug him, or grab his shoulder. Since recently, he hadn't shoved one of his earpieces into Jinyoung's ear, or tugged him by the elbow, or even allowed himself to be hugged from behind by Jinyoung. He was like the wind, here but intangible. At least for Jinyoung. With everyone else, Mark was more or less the same: he ruffled Bam's hair; clutched JB around the waist; tickled Yugyeom until he kicked all the covers off the bed; and pinched Youngjae's cheeks, giggling when Youngjae's retaliation was to sing as loudly as he could right into Mark's ear. Even Coco received the usual dose of play.

With Jinyoung? Nothing. It was enough for Jinyoung to sink into a gloom that rivalled the great Summer Sulk of 2015. He tried to ignore it. It didn't matter, really. It wasn't as if Mark was...his…

Well. Yes. There was that.

Jinyoung counselled himself: this was not the time for introspection, and certainly not the time for sorting through _feelings_ , especially conflicting ones over a fellow band-member. Particularly who appeared intent on removing himself from Jinyoung's physicality. Down that road lay madness. No, he would deal with it in a mature manner, because he was a _professional_ and an _adult_. There was too much attention on them at any given time. He would not let something as small as this affect how he carried himself through the days.

Except, it didn't feel small. It lay huge in his chest and his head. He wrote lyrics and then ripped the papers to tiny shreds, desperate at himself and kind of angry at everything. He got petty. All right, more petty than usual, but this was how he was. He crafted snarky phrases and aimed them all at Mark, who absorbed them the way the sun might absorb a rocket sent from Earth.

"Don't say things like that to Mark-hyung," Yugyeom actually spoke up one day, when they were stuck in a waiting room. Yugyeom sounded scandalized, because Jinyoung had been harping on how Mark looked a bit too sexy for the upcoming recording, but his tone hadn't been complimentary. Jinyoung had whirled on poor Yugyeom, glad for a target that would actually respond.

"What do you know, eh?" he'd snapped. "You're a child. Stay out of adult conversations."

"Leave him alone," Mark said in a tone so calm that it was numbing. He sat slouched in the sofa, arms folded over his chest as he stared at the television on the opposite wall. Jinyoung experienced a bewildering combination of both elation and deflation; the former because Mark had actually addressed him directly, and the latter due to Mark's dismissive demeanor. Jinyoung went through the recording in a sort of daze, and chose to ride in a different vehicle from Mark when they headed back to their company's headquarters.

BamBam had to remind Jinyoung to eat later that evening, which was an indicator of how messed up he felt. Bam sat beside him and made sure he finished his meal, and gave him juice to drink, finishing up with a large serving of ice-cream...just as Mark would have done.

"Thanks," he told BamBam, and sniffled a bit. He blamed it on the spicy food.

"You're welcome, hyung," BamBam said, and patted his shoulder comfortingly. Jinyoung managed to hold back the urge to cry until he got to bed, after he apologised to Yugyeom for being such a punk earlier. 

He got worse over the next few days; he ended up in an argument with Youngjae over Coco, one large enough that JB had to put his foot down.

"What is wrong with you?" JB asked when he'd locked them in Jinyoung's room. Jackson had said something about _Mommy and Daddy are fighting_ , and it was a good thing that Jinyoung had been halfway inside his room, for JB managed to seize him by the collar of his shirt and drag him back inside before he could stomp out to yell at Jackson.

"Nothing." Jinyoung sat on the floor, scowling at his slippered feet, while JB sat on his bed.

"It's not _nothing_ ," JB insisted, and Jinyoung scowled even more. JB sighed. "Look. I need you to not be this--" and here, he waved his hands around to encompass Jinyoung's general bad mood, "--for at least until after these promotions. I really need your help, Jinyoungie."

Jinyoung let out a long sigh, trying to release this unsettling sense of loss. Mark hadn't been his to lose. Not in the way it mattered. There was really no sense in acting like this. He resented JB a little for pulling out this card, but JB didn't have a choice right now...and neither did he.

"You got it, Jaebumie-hyung," he promised, and JB's expression was one of such pure relief that Jinyoung wondered just how badly he had been carrying on.

"Is this about Mark?" JB wondered aloud and Jinyoung hunched over himself.

"No," he said to his feet, because he could never lie and look JB in the face. 

There was a long pause, and Jinyoung could almost feel JB gathering his thoughts. Then, JB said, "Okay," and that was it.

Jinyoung made the effort. It wasn't that JB was all alone in managing the rest of them. Mark did his fair share, as well as their staff, but there was so much to do, and so little time. So Jinyoung climbed off his mountain of discontent, pushed down this ache and got to work, good and proper.

Jackson said, "Thank goodness, you were scaring the babies," and Jinyoung playfully wrestled him until Jackson complained that Jinyoung had messed up his hair, his clothing and his family honour.

He even managed to not be too destroyed when Yugyeom took over waking him up. Yugyeom was nice, but he wasn't as gently persistent as Mark. Yugyeom wanted him to wake up all the way, immediately. Mark had known that Jinyoung floated to consciousness in stages: called until his eyes opened, coaxed to sit upright, patted on the back until his brain engaged second gear and then maneuvered into standing up. He couldn't be allowed to sit back down, or he'd wrap himself back into the bedcovers and go back to sleep.

(Once, he'd asked Mark how he knew all these steps for Waking Up Jinyoung.

"I called your mother and asked her," Mark had said with a little laugh, and Jinyoung had laughed too, amazed and grateful).

They made it through the promotions and Jinyoung attained a level of maybe-enlightenment. All these bad feelings were really unhealthy. He stopped despising Mark for making him feel so bad, because really, he couldn't hate Mark. He couldn't. As a matter of fact, he wasn't sure if he had really despised him in the first place.

"Here," Jinyoung said to BamBam at a fansign event, placing a tangerine in his hand. "Make sure Mark-hyung gets this."

"Why don't _you_ \--" BamBam started and squawked in complaint as Jinyoung shoved him towards Mark.

"Listen when your hyung talks to you," he'd lectured, and watched closely as BamBam stalked over to where Mark perched cross-legged atop a table. BamBam peeled the tangerine with the air of someone being forced at gunpoint. He didn't put the segments right into Mark's mouth, as Jinyoung would have, but it would do.

He gave chips through Youngjae and sent Jackson over with a can of juice. When Mark gave Jackson a sweet smile, Jinyoung acknowledged his own bubbling jealousy and told himself he would have to live through this. He would survive.

"Here," JB said, shoving about five pieces of cloying candy into Jinyoung's mouth.

"What the--" Jinyoung sputtered, and when the fans laughed, he squinted out at the crowd. Yugyeom offered him a bottled water and he drank it gratefully, trying to kick JB at the same time.

"Hyung, I'm tired," BamBam whined when he returned to Jinyoung and fairly flung another peeled tangerine into Jinyoung's palm. "I'm not a delivery service. You have to pay, you know."

"What?" Jinyoung asked, but BamBam had already draped himself over Yugyeom, whispering in his ear and pouting.

This was fine, Jinyoung told himself. As long as Mark was around and okay, then he'd have to be okay too.

**ii**

"If we go now, BamBamie," Yugyeom said, "right now, we can avoid the rain."

"Yes, yes, I'm hurrying," BamBam answered, very absently.

"No, you're not," Yugyeom exclaimed, obviously at his wit's end. Jinyoung chuckled in his room. Yugyeom was going to his family's house for their well-deserved break, and was taking BamBam with him. Youngjae was also going to his hometown, and Jackson was currently on his variety-show circuit back in Hong Kong. The dorm would be empty of nearly all the members except Jinyoung, JB and Mark, and Jinyoung had already set aside a pile of books to go through.

Youngjae left Jinyoung with lengthy instructions for Coco's care.

"Won't Mark be here to do all this?" Jinyoung wondered, and Youngjae had sighed.

"You know she hates it when Mark gives her the medicine," he'd replied in his most parental manner. He gave the puppy a great amount of kisses, hugged Jinyoung tightly, and raced out to catch his ride. BamBam and Yugyeom departed a few moments after. Jinyoung ambled out of his room and encountered JB in the living area. JB was dressed in his street-clothes, a packed bag slung over one shoulder.

"Wait, where are you going?" Jinyoung asked, alarmed.

"My dad just called," JB said. "Insisted that I come visit. If I leave now, I think I can avoid the worst of the traffic."

"But," Jinyoung started. _I'll be alone with Mark_ , he wanted to say but the words stuck in the back of his throat. He glanced towards Mark's door and saw him standing there, leaning against the jamb. Thunder rolled distantly. JB grasped Jinyoung just above the elbow and gave him a quick squeeze.

"You guys will be okay. I have to go." JB headed for the front door, slapping Mark on the upper arm as he walked past; in what felt like the blink of an eye, he was out and gone.

In the sudden silence, Jinyoung stared at Mark, who stared back.

"Well," Jinyoung managed. "Just you and me."

"Is that a problem?" Mark asked, each syllable rather pointy, and Jinyoung drew in a surprised breath.

"Did I say it would be?" he snapped back and Mark's eyelids fluttered shut briefly; he shook his head, spun on one heel and retreated into his room. Jinyoung took a step towards his open door and then halted; he heaved a heavy sigh and then headed for the kitchen.

Jinyoung opened the fridge door and took out a few of the largest containers which he had brought from his parents' house the week before, filled with hearty helpings of good cooking. This was why he hadn't felt the need to visit home for this extended break; he'd already gotten his fair share of family time.

He took out two helpings and set them to warm. Outside, the thunder kept tumbling in the sky, rain scattering down in threatening bursts. The storm was approaching fast, and he hoped that the travelling members would reach their houses safely.

As soon as the food was ready, he headed towards Yugyeom and BamBam's room, where Mark had gone to camp out with the dog. As Jinyoung walked, he had a sudden daydream so vivid it was almost like a vision. He would walk into the room, and see Mark curled up on the bed, asleep with the tiny dog cuddled to his chest. Jinyoung would lean over Mark and gently wake him. Mark would open his eyes with a welcoming smile and they'd be normal again.

When he pushed open the door, Mark was indeed curled on BamBam's bed, but he was awake and poking playfully at the wriggling Coco. When he looked up at Jinyoung, the grin on his lips faded quickly.

Jinyoung thought he could finally understand what being gutted felt like.

"I warmed up some of my mom's food," he said. "Do you want some?" He must have spoken more harshly than he'd intended, for Mark's expression shuttered even more.

Mark answered after too long a pause. "...thanks. That would be nice." He set the puppy to one side and swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

Jinyoung bit the inside of his lip. "You don't have to if you don't want to," he said and Mark frowned in his general direction, not really looking in his face.

"I want to."

"Seriously, if you don't want--"

"I said I want to, okay?" Mark snapped. His voice was low, but his tone was not soft at all. "Quit being like this."

Jinyoung had told himself that he wasn't angry at Mark. He didn't hate Mark; quite the opposite, in fact. However, at this moment, he thought he had had quite enough.

"You're making me act this way," he told Mark, who seemed stunned enough to look him right in the eye. His expression was completely transparent for a few beats: he appeared stricken and Jinyoung thought, _good. Now you're feeling the way I feel_.

Mark visibly composed himself and got to his feet. "How am I making you like this?" he asked, very reasonably although his gaze seemed to be burning. "What am I doing--"

"You're driving me crazy." Jinyoung clenched his fists to hide his shaking hands. "You're not being fair to me and I don't know why." It sounded childish, but at least it was out there.

" _I'm_ being unfair to you?" Mark actually put a hand to his own chest, as if trying to correctly identify the source of Jinyoung's anguish. "You don't even know what you're doing to _me_ , you shouldn't--" he cut himself off, actually folding his lips in some effort to hold back the flow of words. His eyes were still very bright.

Confused, Jinyoung burst out, "I'm not doing anything to you! You're the one ignoring me, acting like I poisoned your whole family or something!"

"And that's the worst part!" Mark actually yelled. 'You _don't know what you're doing_!"

"What the fu--"

The lightning flared so brightly outside that it was like the middle of the day for a moment. The thunder crashed nearly immediately and the lights went out. Poor Coco let out a high pitched whine and then yipped in panic. Jinyoung started forward and collided into Mark, who seized him by the waist and then released him as if he was made of hot coals.

"Shh, shh," Mark tried to soothe Coco. The dog barked as the thunder boomed overhead once more. "Jinyoung-ah, see if you can find some lamps or candles."

Jinyoung felt his way out, trying to recall where they kept those little battery-operated lanterns. He managed to locate a few in JB's room, but out of the three he retrieved, only one had working batteries. A search of the kitchen yielded four candles, and he got them all lit. The rain roared down as he arranged the candles, the lone lantern and the food on the low table in their living room.

He walked with one of the candles back to Bam's room. Mark knelt on floor, petting the fretful dog.

"The food is still warm," Jinyoung told him, voice stiff in his throat. Mark nodded, and tried to get Coco to come along. The puppy crawled underneath the bed and refused to come out.

Mark sighed. "She'll be fine," he said and followed Jinyoung out into the living room.

"Mark-hyung," Jinyoung spoke up when Mark made to sit as far away from him as physically possible. "Sit beside me." He could hear the plea in his voice, but he was too tired to care. Mark appeared exhausted too, and he sank down by Jinyoung's side with very little grace. They ate in silence.

His mom's cooking was probably very delicious as usual, but for once in his life, Jinyoung didn't taste a single bite of it. He was so focused on the warmth of Mark's body seeping into his side, the clean scent of his clothing and hair, how he held his chopsticks. Jinyoung's gaze slid from Mark's hands to his arms, along his shoulders and up his neck.

The thunder rolled in his bones and lightning sparked along his skin, and he didn't realise he had been leaning so close until Mark murmured, "Jinyoung," and his plump lower lip moved against Jinyoung's.

Jinyoung jerked back, appalled at himself. Mark stared back at him, eyes half-lidded and glittering dark by the candlelight. His head was tilted back, possibly in an attempt to ward off the thoughtless advances. Mark inhaled, lips parted and _so close_ ; before he could say anything, Jinyoung scrambled up and bolted for his room. He heard Mark call his name, but he slammed the door and braced against it as if Mark would try to break it down. His heart felt as if it was going to beat out of his chest, and he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes.

This was...this was _the worst_.

**iii**

Jinyoung's eyes burned. He'd been lying in the dark, reading texts on his phone from the other members and some of the staff. He'd been going through SNS over and over again, basically running his battery to nothing and not caring in the least. The electricity had not yet returned, but the thunder and lightning had finally stopped. The rain still continued, but it was now light enough for him to push open the lone window to let out some of the stuffy warmth.

At the sound of gentle knocking at his door, he sat up. "Come in."

Mark entered, carrying one of the candles stuck in a small teacup. The soft yellow light lit up his face and Jinyoung couldn't stop himself from staring.

"How's Coco," he croaked out and Mark's shoulders twitched in a slight shrug.

"She's still under the bed, but she's sleeping."

Jinyoung managed to tear his stare away from Mark's face and nodded. "Good."

"Can we talk?" Mark asked and Jinyoung felt something twist tightly at the pit of his stomach. He nodded again, and drew his knees up, hugging them close to his chest.

Mark set the candle on the bedside table and got onto the bed, sitting cross-legged right in front of him. "Jinyoung-ah," he began in his deep voice, manner almost soothing, and Jinyoung shook his head, swallowing hard. Mark paused, and waited.

"I didn't mean to...to try and kiss you," Jinyoung said, the blatant lie strangling his voice to a strained state. He cleared his throat, trying to clear the tightness, but it only felt worse.

Mark asked, so flatly that it was more a statement than an actual query: "You didn't mean to."

Jinyoung nodded. Then he sighed and knuckled at one eye like a small, tired child. "That's not true. I really wanted to." Mark said nothing, but Jinyoung didn't expect any response. "I just feel...a lot. For you. But it doesn't have to be…." He floundered, trying to find the clearest phrasing. "I just...I would never ask for anything you can't give me. I can't lose you as my friend."

Mark breathed out, the sound soft and heavy at the same time. "Oh."

Jinyoung sighed as well, wretched to the core. He flinched when Mark's fingers closed over his wrist, pulling that hand close. Mark bent forward and pressed his lips to the back of Jinyoung's hand. He looked up as he did this, fixing an intense gaze on Jinyoung's stunned face. He kept staring as he turned over Jinyoung's hand, kissing the palm and then his wrist, where the pulse raced. Jinyoung had to remember to draw a breath.

"I wanted you to kiss me," Mark told him as he took Jinyoung's other hand and gave it the same attention, dispensing kisses between the words. "I want a lot from you," he said, as he kissed the middle of Jinyoung's forearms, which were covered by long sleeves but were in no way protected from the sweet warmth of Mark's lips. "I was afraid to ask."

"Afraid?" Jinyoung whispered, watching with wide eyes and Mark got to his knees and shuffled even closer. He kissed Jinyoung's cheek, a long touch which seemed to sear his skin. Mark shifted back, but only by an increment. Jinyoung turned his head, and gazed at Mark's serious face set so near to his.

"Why would you be afraid?" he asked.

Mark murmured, "Because I was sure you didn't feel the way I felt," and his lips moved against Jinyoung's as he spoke.

Jinyoung's mind lurched from one stunned realisation to another, then it seized up as Mark kissed him fully. Mark's lips on his were almost too much to bear, and he heard a low, breathless moan. That sound came from _him_ , he noted very vaguely. He exhaled, head leaning one way; inhaled as Mark tilted his head the opposite way, as coordinated as dancing. He breathed in the taste of Mark's mouth, experienced the curious flicker of his tongue against Jinyoung's.

Mark pulled away and Jinyoung went after him, covetous in the way he cupped the back of Mark's head and drew him close once more.

He could feel Mark's smile against his mouth, and it warmed him all the way through.

\--

("You weren't being nice to me," Jinyoung scolded as they cuddled on his bed, Mark's head resting comfortably on his shoulder. Mark nodded.

"I know. I just couldn't handle talking to you. I thought you'd see everything on my face so I just stayed away."

Jinyoung hummed and stroked Mark's hair. He could relate to that.

"I kept sending the others to check on you, and when they did, I'd get annoyed with them," Mark admitted with a laugh, and Jinyoung laughed with him, delighted.

The power had returned hours ago, but they lay there together in the dark, the fading candlelight wrapped around them like a golden cocoon.)

 

\--

_Epilogue_

JB was the first to return to the dorm and the first to know about them. He kicked off his shoes in the tiny, messy foyer, trudged inside and stopped short at the sight of the two of them seated on the floor in front of the big television, playing video games.

Jinyoung waved at him in welcome, and watched as JB's tired air was replaced by something a bit more skewering. JB generally didn't notice a lot, unless it was something relating to his members. Then, his attention was laser-like in its focus.

"Hey," Jinyoung said, and JB actually narrowed his eyes, probably picking up the cascades of joy in Jinyoung's voice. Jinyoung was really too happy at the moment to try hide anything from JB; not that he could, under normal circumstances.

"Hello," JB said. "You two okay?"

"We're great," Jinyoung answered firmly and JB raised his eyebrows.

"Good." He turned away and then stopped, the line of his shoulders held taut. "Be careful."

Jinyoung opened his mouth to ask _careful of what_ , for there were quite a few variables: their families; the fans; their management.

Each other.

"We'll be careful," Mark said before Jinyoung could speak and JB nodded, shoulders relaxing as he headed for his room. Jinyoung turned and gazed at Mark's placid expression.

"Yeah," he said with a smile, watching it reflect on Mark's lips. "We will."

_Fin_

_I don't think you can keep someone you truly love at arm's length on purpose, they'll always end up in your arms._ ~Holly Nichole Miller


End file.
